I'm making a photo collage for your first birthday party and I can look at any picture and vividly remember you that day. It makes me sad that you probably won't remember this year that I spent at home with you.
I've loved watching you become this little person over the past year. You're becoming more and more independent, which is probably why I love the way you say "Mama" when you're hungry or tired or want picked up. It's still ME makes you feel better. And I LOVE that.
Last night I was rocking you to bed and you were holding on to my thumb like no other. I was singing to you and you might be the only person who enjoys listening to that! And as I sang you would move closer and closer to sleep and you would give a squeeze to that thumb just to make it clear that you weren't letting go. Every now and again you would look up at me just to make sure I was still there. It reminded me of the night a few weeks ago when I sat listening to summer out your window. However, this time your room was completely dark. It's getting darker earlier and the evenings are cooler, so we had close your window. Just another reminder that fall is here. And just like the darkness creeping in your window, your 1st birthday is creeping up on us.
I tried to push out the thoughts of you turning 1. 'Cause I know that I'm going to blink again and you'll be off to Kindergarten... driving.... graduating high school... college... getting married..... and having a one year old of your own. Don't get me wrong, I want all of these things for you and wait to experience the joy that all of these things will bring to you. But I just want to keep you as my baby for a little longer. 'Cause you're so perfect right now and I can't imagine how things could ever be any more wonderful than "this."
So last night I kept my head close to yours and kissed your forehead about a million times. I couldn't breathe in your freshly-bathed so-soft skin deep enough. I kept thinking how I wished I could live in these moments forever.
Three more weeks, Peanut, and you'll be ONE. And that sentence makes me cry. With both happiness and a little sadness, too. Because as excited as I am to turn the page to the next chapter, I just don't want this one to end.
I love you. Forever and evers.
